It was the night before my 53rd Birthday, nothing was stirring not even a mouse... except for me. I woke up dripping wet, in my dismay and disruptive way, I woke my partner.

Stirring, he said "What are you doing?"

"Oh I just went for a swim" I stammer. Wondering if he would buy the excuse and I return to sleep, a large pause just lingered in the air while he tried to put it together.

His confusion started painting his face. My partner, a man completely in tune with my menopausal suffering (note the sarcasm, ladies) looked at me confused and said, "Really at this time of night? Are you crazy, woman?"

I said "Yes I am. Of course that's why I am wet, the sheets are soaked and I am awake, because I walked 5 kms down the road to go for a swim, dipped in, walked back 5kms and you never noticed!" I mean, isn't it obvious I am joking at 3am laying in soaking wet pyjamas and sheets?

He just sat there completely befuddled. I could see him trying to put the words towards some logic to make sense of the situation in his 3am sleepy haze. He was speechless.

"Ummm hello? Are you not getting the joke? I've woken up drowned in sweat from menopause. Maybe you've heard of it? Come on, get up so I can change the sheets."

My partner seems embarrassed all of a sudden. He tries to attempt to make it better. He says "Oh come off it you don't need to go that far I will sleep on your side"

I said "OK, if u insist." I move out of the way so he rolls over onto my spot, and instantly flaps around trying to get off the bed. I have never seen him move so fast in my life!

"Wait, now I get why you're being coy, you've wet the bed! I can't believe it, a grown woman has wet the bed. You're both too young and too old for that!"

"No that is my menopause honey. All sweaty sweat. So, yeah - have a great sleep. Nighty night!!"

As I said good night, I pulled my side of the sheet off the mattress so he changed the bed and I slept. In the morning I woke up to an empty bed. He had gone and slept on the couch. Turns out he won't sleep through the wet sheets or with me as a furnace radiating heat next to him!

I guess you can say that menopause won the battle that night. And as always, we all lost!