Reflections on being a post-menopausal 43 year old woman.

Reflections on being a post-menopausal 43 year old woman.

I am a 43-year-old woman, post-menopausal. I am currently living in the Northern Rivers in NSW Australia.

How do you know you're post-menopausal? 

So I've had everything checked out. I'm also a naturopath, so I knew what to look for within myself. Post-menopausal, I had gone more than 12 months without getting a period, and I also went to the doctors and had tests done, and I had my eggs counted as well. So yeah, I went through the whole procedure of discovering all of that. 

And when you found out for sure from tests, from doctors, that that was it, how did that make you feel?

I guess deep down a part of me already knew, but yeah, I guess hearing about it was just, okay, like I wasn't just making this up, it wasn't in my head. It was kind of like, gave me that sort of knowing that what I was feeling was right. But yeah, disappointed. Definitely disappointed to find out that that was it for me. So, yeah.

Do you know why you were disappointed?

Well, that's interesting because I wasn't necessarily assuming that I would want to have more children, but I guess the option that I couldn't and that I no longer had that option, that was hard. I guess that was a harder bit to comprehend, but also in the sense that being, you know, even at my age of 43, I'm still a single woman. So, you know, the opportunity of like maybe meeting somebody who at his point in his life, wants to start a family, those kind of options for me are just no longer available or, yeah, not an option.

So how did you process that? How did you personally, emotionally get through it?

I don't know that I did.

I think I just accepted it. I think that I already kind of knew, so it was just part of me just accepted this is, you know. At the time of finding out, I was with somebody, I was with a partner who was fairly sure he didn't want to have children, so it wasn't really an issue at that point. So yeah, for me it just didn't feel... too big. Now I am no longer with that person, and so I suppose it will be a point to discuss with any future partner and that could bring issues too.  I think also knowing that I have had a child was really helpful. Like if I hadn't had children and I was reaching that kind of diagnosis or that kind of findings, I think that would have been a lot harder for me because, yeah, being a mother was something that was always so important to me. So having experienced that and knowing that I still have the potential to have grandchildren, that definitely helped me with my process. 

So when you went through your perimenopause and menopause, can you describe some of the experiences and the symptoms?

See, the funny thing for me was that I didn't have any. I didn't have any symptoms. I was going through a really stressful point in my life at the time, very emotional, a lot, but for me they weren't signs towards perimenopause or menopausal symptoms. It wasn't your general hot flushes or vaginal dryness or things that generally most women experience or that they can experience. For me, it was more around just stress and then my period just kind of beginning to dry up and be less and less, like less and less frequent. And then, yeah, further gaps in between. I went basically from having monthly periods to just stopping overnight, and I'd get one maybe five months later, or I'd get one like then another four or five months time, or I might get two in a row and then nothing for six months. And then that went on for maybe 18 months or two years, and then nothing. So that was my experience, yeah.

So as far as menopausal experiences go, that was a pretty good one.

Yeah, for me it was more the emotional loss of further children or a family with another  partner if I had chosen that. I also went through it alone as all my other friends my age aren't doing this. I am really young to be menopausal. So, I was lucky my professional background got me through with good understanding of how to help myself. To be honest, in many ways that is probably a strong reason for it being easy. I was really treating myself, making myself tinctures, herbs, teas and balancing hormones naturally and making sure I was diligent on what I ate and how I was taking care of myself. 

As a naturopath, what do you hope that women understand about hormones?

Hormones are different for every woman.

We're not an identical species, there's no two women that are wired the same way, so for somebody to have an imbalance in a certain hormonal level within their being, it might be completely different for another woman to experience. Even though we have similar symptoms, and we have like, you know, similar ways of being, we can all be completely different. So I think it's really important to know that what's happening in your body isn't necessarily abnormal, because it's not happening in somebody else's body. We all have the same body, but we have a different way of that body expressing itself to us.

So during menopause, it's a transition, it's a different phase of your life. So you're being pulled apart and put back together, but in that process it's about leaving behind the previous stage of your life. Whether you're leaving behind the part of you that was a maiden, whether you're leaving behind the part of you that was a mother, whether you're just leaving behind a part of you that was a woman, and you're moving into a greater development stage of being a woman, it doesn't really matter what you're going through or what you're moving through. It's about letting go. 

I feel like in society these days, a lot of women find menopause quite degrading or upsetting, or just challenging in the sense it's like, oh no, I'm losing who I am as a woman. And actually it is the complete opposite. You're gaining who you are as a woman. You're gaining more wisdom, more knowledge. You're gaining a whole new way of being which is so magical, so special, and so incredibly beautiful. You're stepping into the best part of your human journey. 

So talk to me about your personal relationship with confidence as pre and post-menopausal. 

I'd have to say that, yeah, post-menopausal, there's something that shifts within you. It's like the part of you that dies, in my experience, the part for me, the part of me that died was the part of me that cared so deeply about what other people thought. Or that part of me that had to live for other people to make them happy, to please others, to give them everything that they needed.

And I stepped into this confidence that I'd never experienced before as a woman, where it was all about me. All of a sudden, it was, what works for me? What do I need? How are my needs going to be met in this process, in this moment? It was no longer about, do I look okay? Is everybody going to like me? Am I going to make an impression here? Am I doing the right thing? Am I doing the wrong thing? Did I do...blah blah blah..,.you know, it's never about those questions. It was more about, I'm a woman, and I have survived so many different stages throughout my life. This is about me being grounded, sensitive, and connected with myself, and putting myself first.

So how does that translate into a greater freedom for you now?

The freedom in not caring so much about how others see you and perceive you, or how you perceive others see you and, I guess, judge you in a sense, like just the freedom in that alone, is more about, yeah, it's a freedom to really experience the fullest expression of yourself. It's a freedom to allow that true nature to shine through. It's never been about how you look. It's never been about how you're... It's never been about how you look or about what other people think of you.

It's about how you feel inside, within yourself. It's about how you connect to your own being as a woman in yourself and in your own body.

It sounds like overall every woman should be jealous of menopausal women. They have more freedom, they have more self-assurance, they have more self-confidence, they don't care about what anybody else is thinking about them. Why is it that we aren't all so excited about going into menopause? What is it, do you think, that actual menopausal women need to explain to pre-menopausal, perimenopausal women about like, what are you talking about? 

This is the best time of my life. You know, I really think that in this society as a whole, youth and beauty is valued so high. It's all about staying young forever, being that beautiful woman forever, being young. Because for one, it's so highly valued in our society, but for two, it's really about if you want to bring in the shadow side of the feminine. The shadow side of the feminine can hold a lot of manipulation, in a sense, and a lot of control over the masculine, in a way, as well. And so I kind of feel that the young, beautiful woman feels like she's more powerful because she has more of a hold over the masculine.

Because I'm young, because I'm beautiful, because I have sex appeal, because I have my sexuality, I therefore have more control over my life, more control over men, and then I feel safer in that. Women need to know that they're safe. Women need to know that they can feel safe in their own body, no matter how you look, no matter how you are perceived by others on the outside. 

Going into menopause, a lot of women also think they're going to lose their sex drive, so therefore they lose their power. That is not true. Going through menopause can absolutely accelerate your sexual power, your sexual drive.

You can still be young, sexual, and beautiful all throughout menopause. And because there's so many myths around this in our society, I think that we play on that a lot. I think that we really hide in those shadows, and we feel that menopause is going to take our power away when in fact it's actually the complete opposite.

Something that very few people talk about is  intimacy through menopause. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Why is it important for menopausal women to claim back their sexuality and their sensuality? Because having sexuality and sensuality at any stage of your adult life is literally what keeps us alive. Sexual energy that we move through our body is life-giving energy. It's feeding our life source. It's literally our sexual energy is our life force energy. And it's what keeps us alive, it's what gives us that youthful appearance, it's what makes us feel like we are in our bodies, that we're connected to ourselves.

Sexual energy is one of the most powerful energies that exists throughout humanity, for men and women. And keeping that sexual energy alive within your own being, this is the source of your true power. This is your confidence, this is your love for yourself, this is your love for life, this is your joy, this is your zest. And sexual energy shouldn't die just because your cycle does.

What is it, if you could bottle your wisdom about being a woman, about being a menopausal woman, and you could give that out to everyone on the planet, what would that be? 

I just wish for every woman out there to know that every single thing that you're seeking out there is actually inside of you. It's already inside of you. This is the essence of your being. This is who you are. This is your sexual energy. This is everything about you. For you to go within and find everything that you're looking for inside your being, instead of looking out there in your relationships, in your shopping, in your busyness, in your careers, find it inside of yourselves. That's where your power lies. That's where everything is. And you have this in you, and you can do this. 

I just want women to know that your sense of self, your sexual being, your entire essence of who you are comes from within. It comes from your womb space. It comes from your heart. It comes from your body. As a woman, our most natural way of being is in our body. We are connected to the earth. We have extra meridians between our heart and our womb that don't exist in the man's body. This is unique to women only. Connecting to this channel through your heart, your womb, the earth, and just breathing your breath through that channel is what is going to bring life force back into your body. You can have this. You can have that deep connection to yourself. It's already there. You just have to reclaim it. How has knowing all of this helped you in your own transition, in your own life? It's helped, knowing all of this information has helped me because I'm no longer seeking outside of myself. I was there, I was absolutely there.

I was looking for myself in my jobs. I was looking for myself in my relationships. I was looking for myself in my child, in my daughter. I put all of who I was into everything outside of me. And knowing this and bringing it all back within myself and within me, I can now live from a space of not just inner peace, but having that wisdom, that connection, that it's actually okay to not feel okay all of the time. And I think that's probably one of the biggest learnings, having and knowing this information. We can wake up and we can feel anxiety in our body.

We can feel grief. We can feel rage. We're women. As women, we feel. It's okay to feel, and it's okay to also have inner peace and to feel okay. And I think that there's far too much emphasis placed on women to always be okay. Don't feel anything. And that's just not true.

Feeling is a part of who we are. It's our expression. It's the way our body speaks to us, which is how our entire soul essence speaks to us. It's how we know ourselves. Just be who you are and express that in your post. 

What is your impression of Phenxx?

 What I see when I see Phenxx is more than just some products. I see an entire vision. I see it waking women up to who they are and I can see that their long-term mission is literally to bring women into this space of knowing yourself, know yourself, know everything about what it is to be a woman, know your shadows, know your strengths, know your weaknesses because everything is relevant, it's all part of it. And the more that we can get to know our bodies and our beings and be okay with everything that's there, then the deeper we can connect to ourselves. For every woman who awakens to her true essence of who she is, that ripples out to 10,000 women within her immediate environment, her immediate ecosystem that she knows, and then energetically to 10,000 more. We are spreading this. We are waking women up, one woman at a time, to bring a new way of being into this planet, into women, onto this planet, into this earth, into women in general. This is about us waking up so that we can support all other women and all other men to do the same. 

Do you think it's ironic that we sell products for sleeping? When you say we're waking people up?

I think that's awesome. I love that. Yeah.I love that Phenxx promotes products for sleeping when we're waking people up because literally they just go hand in hand. Like awakening, we do so much of our awakening in our sleep, we can only process so much in the mind while we're awake, and then while we're sleeping, all of what we've learned, all of what we've processed actually comes from our mind and lands into our body. And then when we wake up, we're brand new people. Everything that we've experienced goes into our being and into our body. So while you're sleeping, you're actually waking up.

I've known the founder for eight years now. Eight years. I honestly can say I've never met anybody with more drive and more vision for things that are so great for this planet. Like Kait's passion that she puts into her work and just into her everyday life, into her family and into everything that she does is just incredible. And she's such an inspiration, what she's creating for herself, but just for women everywhere, is just wonderful. It's such a beautiful piece and body of work and she's just such an incredible woman to drive this, just such an incredible woman to be driving such an incredible mission. I think it is easy to see Phenxx at first and think it is a beddign company, or it sells an oil or an eyemask. But read the content, read the vision, feel what this is, because as you stay here longer it will reveal itself to you and help you to understand a new way of approaching the world. It is not an ecommerce store that sells products. It is just so much more. What I love is that she's just such an incredible woman to be driving such a beautiful project. 

Every woman needs to know that they're already doing the best they can. Just keep doing it. Just keep going with it.

Love you. Bye.


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